I'M GOING BACK

Recent, I laid awake thinking of the kids, all those precious faces that I got to know at the orphanage, tossing and turning, thinking about their future and how much they needed and how many struggles they had. I couldn't sleep one night and so the next day I asked my friend, April, to pray about what that meant and what I should do about it. She said she would. I thanked her.
Later in the week surprising me, she said to me, 'Christy, I can't get those kids off my mind myself. I have heard a lot about them, and I have been praying that God would use me in new ways and wondered...can I go there with you??'
At that moment, I knew for sure I should go back to the kids and be a part of God doing great things through April. So, I am going back for a month and April is coming with me to raise money to bring over! I will be helping out with whatever is needed there, but most of all, connecting with the kids again and showing them how they are unforgettable and loved by God! I leave in two days!

The journey back in New York has been a struggle, as I search for a job and acclimate myself to American living. It seems that no matter how hard I look or try, no doors are opening. This city draws the most driven, exceptional people in the world and the competition is intense. But it seems like something more is happening. I believe that God's hand moves, gives, and guides. He is not giving me a job now. I have to trust how He is directing me now. My heart burns for Africa and for the kids there that I left five months ago, not one bit less than the day I left. God, I will let you do what you want. Show me the way.

THEY STOLE MY HEART

I have been able to process a bit more of my experience now that I have been home for about a month. What I was able to understand more deeply is God's heart. Love is suffering. If you don't suffer, you don't really love. We humans are so broken and selfish-- from other people's choices inflicting pain on us, from our own pain and wrong choices, and from all sorts of things. In all that we can be so offensive to God. God, being perfect, could have said, "That's enough! All of you get away from me forever." But instead He said, "I would rather suffer greatly and have them with me. I am going to make a way..."

I guess going through all the things I did, especially the hard things, I understand. I remember sitting in the kitchen on the day I was going to leave for South Africa, totally freaked out, totally afraid of all the unknown. God was saying, "Will you love these kids, like I have loved you?" Going to uncomfortable places to reach them? Jesus left his throne in heaven and was born into a feeding trough in a stable (how uncomfortable is that). And there were things that were hard there, frustrations and sufferings. God was saying, "Will you love these kids, like I have loved you? This is only a little bit compared to what I went through for you."

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:1-2


God called me to go all the way across the world to be a part of these kids lives, to somehow be used by God to show that deep deep love to them. One little forgotten, abandoned life is worth all the suffering in the world to Jesus.

On a less philosophical level, I have learned so much about kids, and this trip has grabbed my heart. I think of those kids everyday and hate to only be in their lives for just a few short months. I wish I could be with them long term, what they really need. They stole my heart and I am not sure if I can get it back. Perhaps I am meant to be there longer.


Amanda was snuggled with me on the couch one cold rainy day. I think about her a lot. She had all sorts of medical issues including chronic lung damage from the problems she had in the past that made her talk and cough like a 70 year old woman, who'd been smoking for 40 years. But she had the most wonderful sense of humor and both of us would laugh together hysterically. I want to go back for her. I want to go back for all of them. We will see what God has in mind.

THE WORLD CUP AND SUDDEN GOODBYES

The energy in South Africa for the World Cup has been so fun to experience! Everyone is in celebration and excitement. The World Cup songs play everywhere and EVERYONE has a Bafana Bafana (their national team's name) jersey, from politicians to bank tellers to

businessmen. And everywhere is heard the sounds of the Vuvuzela

(that plastic, loud horn that characterizes South African soccer

fan cheering and makes everyone deaf). All the games are televised everywhere, on big screens in malls and restaurants. Everyone is singing and dancing and enjoying the world being there. I have also learned so much about the flags of different countries!

I didn't get to go to an actual World Cup game, but we did get to go to a warm up game in the new stadium in Durban and experience the soccer fans! WOW!!!



But then I also learned just as the World Cup was starting that my visa paperwork was not correct and I had to leave South Africa as soon as possible. So I had to say goodbye to 115 children that I have really grow to deeply love. Here are the teenage boys, who are SO fun to be around. They love hip hop and the tallest one in the white shirt, Mzizi, is a brillant hip hop dancer (well, they all are but he and Sanele next to him are particularly good and practice all the time!). But it was sooooo hard to say goodbye to all the kids, young and old. I hope that I can return there. It is sad for them to have yet another short term person come and go in their lives.

So, I flew out today in such sadness as all sorts of celebrating was happening all around me. South Africa is such an incredible place. And the orphans have affected my life in such a profound way that all I want to do is serve them and others in the same situation the rest of my life. Now, I return to the big city. Wow.

THE CHALLENGES

I am now coming up on my half way mark of being here in South Africa. I have gotten into the groove here. It took quite a while to really build relationships with the kids here, but now I feel that they know me and are comfortable with me. Their are so fun and so special and grow on me more every week.

On the other hand, it has been so challenging here as well. Most of the challenge comes to my patience and my pride. First, many of the things that they really need done here are not what I am good at, not glamourous, and quite hard. They are not what I came to do (I do get to do things that I like as well and that I came to do), nor even want to do. I come from a city where you do what you are very good at and nothing else. But God's ways are different. He calls us to serve Him and others in our weakness. He says he is our strength in our weakness. I have had to give over a lot of expectations to Him and find joy in the simplicity of serving a great God, no matter what I do. Last week I was really ready to call it quits and really had to pray hard, but this week, God did an amazing work in me and has provided a lot of little things to help me. Wow, I am very much learning what it means to serve the Lord in weakness and let Him shine His strength on me.

One thing that I do, that I am not particularly good at nor like, is run the Homework Club. It is basically teaching a class of 2nd to 3rd graders for a couple of hours in the afternoons. I am not a good teacher and have had to learn so much about disciplining kids and teaching that age. I have had to depend on God EVERY MOMENT!

THANDI AND ANELE

Let me introduce you to Thandi, as well as our little baby, Anele. Thandi is in sixth grade. She is very sensitive and often times feels on the outskirts of the friendship circles amongst the kids here. She is quite insecure about herself, but is a very special girl. I do a lot of reading with her and we have her over to our house often. She really needs to know how much Jesus loves her and how special she is.
Anele is a little one year old girl who is the cutest baby EVER! All the kids take turns caring for her, baby sitting her, and getting her to different places around the orphanage. It is great especially to see the little 7 year old boys taking care of her too. Some of the most naughty little boys turn into these responsible little care-givers!

I just wanted to share a few moments with you.

Only in Africa can you wake up to a giraffe in the back field of your house. That was so amazing! This was the view on an early Saturday morning as the giraffe came right up to our fence. I continue to blown away by the artistry of God in His skies. Every sunrise and sunset is brilliant and the stars here are so brilliant as well, I cannot begin to describe them. It is so calming after a long day to gaze out on the sunset and remember what is important, that God is in control of it all.

During the last few weeks the kids had off of school so we did some different games with them, including relay races involving eggs and grabbing apples out of water with their mouth. James was the most intense and passionate apple relay racer I have ever seen in my life.

These are some of the older boys. Sandile, Jay Jay, Ndumiso, Stambiso, and James. They are all so much fun to spend time with.

All the girl volunteers and staff were challenged to play a soccer game with another organization. None of us really have played soccer at all and so we were extremely nervious. All the boys were making jokes of how bad we would do. The morning of the game we all drove to the field with butterflies in our stomachs. All of Lily of the Valley would be watching! All the kids and other staff would come and root us on and we were so scared we would completely make fools of ourselves. But we did suprisingly well and even some of the boys gave us a "good job" smile. We won and became the Lily heroins. And I (even I!) scored our only goal!! Here I am with one of the German volunteers who also played well. And below you can see our whole team!

Weekends are great fun and usually involve spending time having fun with kids. The kids LOVE to come over to our house and bake cakes and sweets, watch movies, and listen to music. I have never made so many cakes in my life! Here they are watching a movie in our living room, packed in.




Today we said goodbye to one of our volunteers, Yohan, the Korean. Next week we say goodbye to another and so there will only be 2 others doing so much. Our workload is very high and so it will be a time of dependance on God for strength. One of the most challenging things here is the disorganization and randomness of the demands here. It is so different than in the States. But I know that Jesus wants me here and it is an opportunity to depend on His strength each day.

I am sorry I cannot share a photo with you this time, but I wanted to give you a glimpse of my last few weeks and share a few impactful moments. Here are some snippets:

I find that my favorite age group is the grade 1-3 boys. They are so fun, kind, and energetic. Everything they do they put their whole soul into. On Sundays, I take a rugby ball out to the field and all the little boys cheer in exuberant excitement to play a game I invented that is sort of a combination of "3 flies up" and "fetch". I throw the ball out and they are broken into teams and if their team runs the ball back to me they get a point (my job is very easy). They put every bit of their souls into this and it is so fun to watch them.

Last week, we started an HIV counseling group for all the kids who are HIV positive and also have other tramatic experiences in their lives. We did some initial surveys with them to get a sense of where they were at and at the end of the 16 weeks we will ask them the same questions. But it was a very interesting time, because many of the same little boys, full of energy, laughter, and fun, were there and showed another side of themselves. And as I asked them different questions like, "Do you know what happened to your parents?" or "Do you feel comfortable talking about being HIV+?", there was a deep sorrow and pain that washed over their eyes. Or they would start to cry and say that their arm hurt, but really it was their heart that hurt and they just couldn't express it. They can't quite fully understand their pain. I just love being with them, and its funny because I can very much relate to them in that way. Their life has taught them they are worthless and unlovable and have no future. So, while they laugh and play in their everyday life, this voice is always in the back of their mind. They need so much to know that God created them special and will never leave them. And He has a hope and a future set for them.

This week, a new little girl who came not 3 weeks ago, died of TB. There is just such a sadness in the suffering these kids endure with no stable/longterm person to love them through it. It is hard enough to go through very serious illness with a supportive family who loves you, but it is so hard to do it with no one.

Recently, a new little boy came to the orphanage and I was asked to go get his new clothing. He came to Lily with nothing, covered in sores and skin rashes. I and one of the older boys took him over to the clothing store room and picked out his "wardrobe", which consisted of a couple of shirts and pants, socks, underwear and shoes--anything that sort of fit him. He was so quiet as we tried to fit different things on him. That moment was dramatic to me because I just wondered what that little quiet boy had just left. He had absolutely nothing, came to a foreign place where he knows no one, and is only 8 years old. I learned later that he was removed from his home because his grandmother (the only one who could take care of him) was a witch doctor and was forcing him to help her do many things that were literally killing him. I get to help him now do his homework and learn math and he is very smart and sweet.

A fun part of my relationship-building with the kids is baking parties. I love to bake and little did I know that that would be something that the kids love to do. They LOVE sweets and they love to be useful, so they help me bake cakes and cookies on the weekends.

CO-WORKERS

These are my co-workers! Nkululeko (South Africa), Kristina (Ger), Yohan (Korea), me, Steffi (Ger), Spi (South Africa), Michaela (Ger), and Meredeth (USA). They are fabulous and the community here is amazing. We are family here and we have so much fun together. What is particularly fun is that we all come from such different cultures. Every Monday one person cooks for the group some special food from their culture. We are also constantly laughing about all of our differences and interactions. Last week the Zulu girl, Spi, cook a great beef curry that you eat with your hands and no one uses napkins here!

HOME VISITS
One of the projects of this organization is to support the community. They have a doctor that goes out and does home visits as well as others workers who go and help with different things that the families may need. I have been able to go on home visits with the staff to see what they are doing with the Zulu community. They give food, but also help families learn ways to sustain themselves, live healthier, and prevent the spread of HIV. There are some very hard welfare systems that just facilitate downward spiraling. One is that if you are not married and have a child, you get a monthly stipend from the gov't. Families are so poverty stricken, that the teenage girls go out and get pregnant with anyone, just to feed their family and be more well-off.
I was not able to take many photos while at the homes but this home was a man's who was very sick and had to go to the hospital. We checked in on him to see how he was doing, but he was not home yet. His house was so small, perhaps he could just fit lying down.
We also visited a family of 33, yes, 33 people, mostly children, all living in 2 very small houses. There were about 5 adults, grandma and her adult children and then all their kids. No one really worked in the family and they were very sick and starving. Our community program is donating seeds and vegatables for them to grow and go their often to teach them and help them. But that home was shocking to see. The kids were sick and covered with flies and the grandmother said that some kids had to skip meals. She also said that some of the older girls had gone off to live with (and sleep with) guys to have a "better off" life. The grandmother wanted so much for them to have a hope and a good future and to do well in school.
The poverty is overwelming and you leave the homes not being able to do much, no resources to help, mentalities that make the problems worse, and all you can do is pray that God would do something.

THE LITTLE ONES

I must say that little kids are the ones that are the cutest and the most easy for me to love. I get to do the Sunday School with them on Sundays and I see them during the week sometimes. They have the most simple love for everyone. They run up to you with big hugs and if you are squatting, they try to pile on you. It just makes you feel so loved. They are all so precious and special and have such cute personalities. These little ones also are some of the hardest workers, who are often unloading the food truck! After Sunday school they love to go out to swing, so I take them to the swingset.

CULTURAL EXPERIENCES
This country is very unusual, with its combination of English, Zulu, and Afrikans languages. Communicating with the kids is fairly easy as they learn English in school, yet their mother language is Zulu. It is harder to communicate with the little kids as they haven't learned much English yet, but you just give a 2-thumbs up and say, "Shop! Shop!" (I think this is some sort of British thing). Even though there is an English culture in general there are still things that are completely foreign here. First, there are little things like the amount of people/kids who fit in cars!

I was standing in line at a supermarket and a strange man came up behind me and said quietly, "Are you in Que?". My New York "Weird Man Inner Alarm" went off and I was filled with anxiety. What is he trying to ask me?? I did the New York thing of ignoring the crazy person. He said it again. I asked my Korean coworker who was with me what the guy was saying and he had no clue. The guy got frustrated and asked again, so I finally decided to respond to him. After a few minutes of questions and re-wording things I found that it simply meant, "Are you in line"! We all had a good laugh! But I was very glad to have learned that expression because a week later, the Korean guy (Yohan) and I took a child to the ER and it was all about knowing what "Que" to stand in and where the "Que" started and I would have been their for days if I didn't get it!

JAMES
Let me introduce you to James. He is a rambunctious, helarious boy who at times can be mean, but also has a little boy "soft side" of him. He is 16 years old. When he was 8 years old he came to the orphanage dying of AIDS with 2 weeks to live. But he made it through and now he is medically stable. But he has so many emotional issues from his life of abandonment and sickness.
He is currently in 6th grade, even though he is 16 and can barely spell or do math. He struggles with a lot, but loves to play soccer everyday and wants so badly to do better in school. Here he is in his school uniform.


So please pray for James, that he would know how important he is to God and that he knows he has a hope and a future, that he would learn more in school and heal from a LOT.

As I come up on being a month here I have so many new experiences, is it so hard to share everything. I wish I could write everyday. It is restful here and challenging here at the same time. My days are so different, so much slower than New York, but a lot of new things. But I will try to give you a general day in the life of Christy in South Africa.
I am up at 6am, usually to run on the dirt road near the orphanage, with cows or worthogs (yes, worthogs!) grazing nearby. Then I drive some of the kids to school and staff around (in a rickety stick-shift on the wrong side of the road!). After, I come home for breakfast and do a variety of different things, such as home visits in the community, some of the administration work in the office, or food distribution. Then when the kids come home we do a tutoring/after school program with them. This week I will start some counseling groups with the older girls to help them talk about abandonment, rape (yes, a lot of our young girls have been raped), having no parents, living with many health problems, etc. I haven't done much with children so you can pray for me!
Many things that I have been doing are new to me, not necessarily my gifting or experience, and so I have really come up against times where I am saying to God, "Oh! This is hard! I am not cut out for this!" But God says to me, "All that I require is that you love me, love these kids and depend on me everyday!" How many people in the Bible said that very same thing and that was no excuse to God and they did great things. And so I have been depending very much on God everyday.
We finish up our days around 6pm and then the volunteers come back to our houses, often cooking and eating together and talking. It feels like a very old fashioned lifestyle here. We have a TV, but not much to watch, no telephone in our house, and just each other (no other people in our lives) to keep us company. We have nice houses, with clean water, but sometimes it is not running. I have come to appreciate the simple pleasure of running water! We also do not have full showers, just a spray hose, so I am not sure when I will be really clean again! Not for a while! But hey, who cares! I am in Africa!
Today, I am going to several homes in the community where we distrbute food to the poor, to follow up on their needs. We distribute food no more than twice to a home, so that they don't become dependent; but then go to their homes to transition them into helping themselves more (like teaching them to grow their own food, helping them get care they need, etc). That will be interesting I am sure! I'll tell you more about it!

Samkelo

Let me introduce to you Samkelo. He is one of the cutest little boys I have ever met. He is 4 years old and cannot walk (for no good reason, other than he never learned). I help him do exercises to strengthen his legs each day.

He is on his way to the hospital for a monthly visit to the physiatrist.

You can pray that he would learn to walk and to know how much God loves him. He also has such medical complications. I want to bring him home in my suite case!!!!

I have been doing a variety of things here at the orphanage to get to know the kids and also to get to know how the whole thing is run. I have been doing after school programs, food shopping for kids, going to medical appts with them, doing therapies with the disabled kids, etc. Basically everything. Last week I went to experience what the monthly food shopping is like. Basically it is buying about $8000 of huge bags of rice and veggies and milk and everything they eat, loading it onto a pick up truck and driving it home in the heat, hoping no one will steal anything at a stop light. Of course we got a flat tire too, which is normal life. And of course we do much of the loading and all of the unloading! So do the little children back at the orphanage.

Here are some of the kids running to a birthday party that the orphanage was having for them. It was a very touching time, as each one is celebrated and valued. I really respect this place. It is a very special orphanage and God is doing great things through it. It is well established with the South African government.

So I hope to introduce you to some special kids soon.

We'll, I've been here for 2 weeks now. How can I possibly describe all of my experiences to you! Currently, I am living in a small house of volunteers amongst the little houses of the orphanage children. It is hot and sunny here and to think of snow seems so strange!





These are the little houses that about 6 children live in with a house mother. There are 22 houses and we live in one of them. I live with 2 other girls who are so sweet. There are 3 German girls, an American (who works in a different part), and a Korean guy here volunteering. It is great because we hang out together and share life. Here are the kids going off to school in their uniforms. Most of them go to a school in the community but the education here is really bad.

These kids have come from all sorts of very difficult backrounds and the social welfare system of South Africa has given these kids to Lily Of the Valley because their parents are no longer able to care for them becuase of AIDS, or sexual/physical abuse, etc. The kids have so many issues and they need so much love and care.

It is actaully very challenging to care for them. They are street kids who have been toughened by abuse, abandonment, and neglect. On top of that they have all sorts of medical issues and some are disabled. Somehow we think that orphans are these little angels who can do no wrong and are perfectly humble and thankful for everything, but they are actually very tough. Many times they can be so selfish, demanding, ungrateful, and disrespectful. It takes a long time to break through their hardened hearts. I have been learning so much about God's love through that. Because that is exactly who God loves to pursue. Every morning He says to me, "Christy, love these precious children who I have created! Show them how much they mean to me! So far the world has not that well, but I want you to show them how precious they are! And remember you are really just like them, Christy!" His love burns on and on and never fails.

But saying all that, in the last couple of weeks, I have been getting to know these faces and these little children and have been FALLING IN LOVE with them!! They are all so precious and even with their problems, they have such life, playfulness, and joy. I hope to share with you some of these kids especially so you can pray for them!

In the last few weeks I have also had some very unusual experiences, good and bad:

To my excitement, I learned that we live right next to an animal reserve and so in 5 minutes we can drive out to a safari where we saw zebras, hippos, rhinos, bucks, and even giraffes!

The second night I was here, I got one hour sleep because about 50 blood thirsty misquitos were trying to eat me alive (it sounded like a motorcycle race in my room). I had a misquito net but they got inside of it. That was one moment I really wanted to start crying. But problem solved and I get good sleep now, THANK GOODNESS!

I MADE IT

Hello from South Africa! My flight over was pretty effortless, which was a GIFT from God (and a miracle), because an airplane is usually like a closterphobic death chamber to me. This is my second day here at the orphanage, just trying to get my barings on things. I have met many of the kids and am getting to know how they live. We don't have a lot of internet access now so I will have to send photos out later, but I can't wait to show you the beautiful mountains. The orphanage is actaully right next to an animal reserve so we can see all sorts of animals. Everyone lives very simply here, but well.

The children here are all HIV positive, but none have AIDS. Some are disabled, some have had TB, many must go often to see doctors. But generally they are healthy and the set up of the orphanage is very good. It is quite slow here, things run slowly, so that is my first challenge--to slow myself down and to do things that they really need that I normally wouldn't do. My brain gears are churning, seeing how they need help and what could make things run more smoothly. It also has been pretty intimidating here to get to know the kids. Some are friendly, but many are very shy and not so warm at first. To them, they need love to be proven. A relationship need a lot of time.

The other volunteers are great. They are very international and it is an interesting feeling not to be with any Americans. There is a Korean guy, 2 South Africans, and 3 Germans. They are very kind and social. We are all a part of each other's lives and sit and talk together on our down time.

Trying to clean up everything! Wow, it is hard to pack up and fit in all the goodbyes. I have one more day here and my room needs to be cleared out!

So many goodbyes and so many uncertainties, but so much excitement. That seems to be how it is with God.

I have felt overwhelmed with God's communication to me through everything and everyone that I should really be going to this orphanage. That makes me feel better when I get afraid of all the uncertainties, and overwhelmed with all the aweful statistics and problems there.

I fly out on Sunday morning! I can't believe it.

A couple of months ago, my friend found an ad in my church bulletin and thought of me. She showed it to me and I looked at the website. It is an orphanage in South Africa that works with children suffering/affected by HIV/Aids. It was started a few decades ago, initially to bring children who were dying off the street and give them a safe, loving place to have their final days. Over the years, the children have become more healthy and now the focus is not on helping them face death, but on helping them face life. They have all sorts of different programs, to build their education and spiritual and emotional wellbeing. Deep down I felt an unusual and peaceful excitement as I read what they wanted to do in the lives of these children.
After a lot of prayer and a lot of words of encouragement from pretty much EVERYONE in my life, I have decided to go there for 6 months.

Lately, God has been bringing up a verse to me again and again. And it is on their website too (for obvious reasons!). It is this: James 1:27, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted by the world." Unfortunately, people in this world either do one or the other, but usually not both (especially the latter without judgment). This I want to do well this year.

So, starting in February, I am off to South Africa to work in their clinic and be whatever they need: social worker, tutor, mentor/discipler... I will LEARN a LOT. I will need to depend on Jesus every day, as I am out of my comfortable life and in a world that is full of brokenness and sorrow. But I am excited!