Wednesday, May 30, 2012

 Time in New York.

The last few weeks I have definitely had some very special time with friends in NYC.  Being reunited with lots of friends and great fellowship has been a wonderful blessing, and being reunited with this great city has also been great. 

I was able to return to one of my favorite Greek restaurants in Queens, as well as get in a Yankees Game, a truly New York experience.  The funny thing is that while I love New York City SOOOO much, I don't miss it while I am in South Africa.  Weird. 

But most of all while I have been here, I have had quite a bit of alone time, and a lot of inner turmoil that God has really had to help me with.  Now is the time to face going to back to something that feels way too big for me to handle.  "God, REALLY??? You REALLY think I can do this??  But you didn't see me that last few weeks there."  I actually have not been feeling any strength at all.  And the more I think about things, the more physically sick I get.   I actually have been quite sick. 

But God had the most huge message for me. I went to a church service that I normally don't go to, but God hit me sooooo hard with his grace.  The message was about failing in our sorrows and in our weaknesses and his grace was sufficient, when everything in us fails.  And God uses our failures and our weaknesses, and He is our strength. I was struck by His peace that lasted for days.  It took all the fear of failing God away.  Then a couple weeks later I went to another service and that was about being used in utter weakness by God.  That just filled me again with the love of God.  I am failing and so weak, but that is just the opportunity for Him to show His great power.  So I press on. I press on toward the deep love I have for the kids at the orphanage.    

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