Just when I was really beginning to wonder if God was really there anymore, as door after door was closing, and my finances were dwindling, God came through. Two very good friends sent me money that eased the financial urgency of my situation, without me even asking them. That gave me freedom and encouragement to really 'bust a move' on the job search, but not have to just settle for some awful job.
Then soon after, I was offered a paid position at the orphanage where I have been volunteering! The position involves working with the teenagers, helping them to transition into 'real life' and prepare to be on their own, something that I am very passionate about doing. My heart is with those kids, and would love to be a part of helping them.
It took me some time, however, to come to a decision. The actuality of completely moving out of New York, to a far away place suddenly freaked me out. I didn't want to give up the comforts of home and friendships suddenly. And my soul began to get very anxious. And finally after sometime of thinking I said, "No, God, I think its going to be too much. I have too many weaknesses. I'm not very good with this and that..."
And he prompted me to pick up the devotional book I had (My Utmost for His Highest) on that day, May 5th, and I first glanced down at the bottom paragraph. And even though I read this in the quiet of my heart, it was like God had belted it out of the heavens on a bullhorn to me:
"If Jesus ever gave us a command He could not enable us to fulfil, He would be a liar; and if we make our inability a barrier to obedience, it means we are telling God there is something He has not taken into account. Every element of self-reliance must be slain by the power of God. Complete weakness and dependence will always be the occasion for the Spirit of God to manifest His power. "
"Ok, God! Ok!"