Spring in New York
Life back in the big city has been hard, but I'm getting more used to it. I am loving being back in Central Park running the road that winds through the blooming trees. And it has been so wonderful to be back with my friends. But with the city rushing around me, everyone going to work, seeing friends, getting things done, overworking, overplaying, I feel at times like I am still lost in a world far away. I feel like one of those movies, like "Lord of the Rings", where everything turns slow motion and silent, and I feel detached from everything around me.
I think the hardest part is the silence of God. He has been so silent. I have tried everything to open doors and find His way. But I guess sometimes His answer is just to wait in the uncertainty. And every door is closed. I know that there are always times when He is quiet, those are the times of faith building. And so I wait. And try. And wait.
Today I received another closed door in the city. I have been planning to go back to school and set everything up for the fall, even the summer, but somehow everything got messed up and now I must re-apply all over again, and it is too late to fix this problem for the fall. I just feel like God is closing every door in order that He might open another soon. But sometimes I get discouraged and wonder if He will come through for me.
My heart is with the kids and would LOVE to work at the orphanage. There may be a possibility of going back and actually having a position there, but I haven't heard anything yet. So, I have to wait. Somehow I feel better today, though, like God really IS there and really IS planning something better. We'll see what unfolds.